Hello all :)
I'm pleased to be back on my blog. I'm sitting here, all smiles, for the first time in 3 months. It has been a hell of a ride for the past three months, but I'm finally getting back on track and pulling myself together. Prepare yourselves for a sappy blog. This has been tough.
In the middle of January I went to the hospital for a severe pain in my right upper abdomen. After several doses of Morphine and Zofran I was sent home from the hospital with no answers. I also came down with a cold and a sinus infection that same week. I was sent to follow up with my primary physician (who is wonderful). She set me up with a GI doctor. She decided to do a scope to look inside my stomach. I was sedated for this. Before they put me under my doctor said to me, "think happy thoughts; imagine you're on the beach drinking margaritas. Drink one for me." When I woke up after the procedure I cried...a lot (I was drugged up). I kept telling my mom that I wanted to go back under because my dream was so happy. I dreamed I was on the beach with my boyfriend, Keith, drinking margaritas. There was a man singing in my dream; it was reggae. He was singing "la la la la la the bad times are over". It was so happy and peaceful there. At the time I didn't have a job; this was stressing me out. In my dream I felt happy and peaceful; I wanted to go back.
Let me get back on track here. The doctor found a "handful" of tiny ulcers in my stomach. This meant no alcohol, acidic foods, or dairy. She gave me some medicine and told me the problem would be gone within two months. The problem was definitely not gone in two months.
I tried to live life normally. I was attempting to begin training for a half marathon that I desperately wanted to do. For some reason my stomach hurt badly every time I ran or worked out at all. I was constantly having stomach issues and acid reflux. This sent be in a bad downward spiral. I was now suffering from depression, anxiety, and stomach issues. I couldn't work out and I was limited on the things I could eat.
I ended up back in the hospital a total of 3 more times before we figured out what the actual problem was. I had a bad gallbladder! Who would have thought? I finally went to Baylor hospital after going elsewhere several times. The other place just kept drugging me up and sending me home. Baylor, oh lovely Baylor, removed my Gallbladder 5 hours after I entered the E.R on 3/22/14. It was a quick procedure. It left 4 tiny incisions on my stomach (that I HATE). My gallbladder did not have any stones, but my surgeon said that the tube leading from it was so small that it wasn't working right. Also, it had a lot of scar tissue and "sludge".
The next few days were terribly difficult to me. While the issue of my gallbladder was gone, I still had anxiety and depression. I was stressed about missing a week from work, hospital bills, and of course the 4 scars on my stomach that make me feel ugly. I was unable to function. I was constantly crying. My ulcers started bleeding again. I was miserable.
It's been a little over two weeks since my surgery. While driving around in my car thinking about all that I've been going through, I decided I HAVE to make a change. I didn't feel like me. I didn't feel strong. I didn't feel beautiful. I felt weak and ugly. I've always been told that I have a personality that just "bounces back". Anytime I'm upset I quickly bounce back to my normal happy self. I haven't been like this lately and it was driving me insane. I needed to find a way to get through this.
My lovely sister, Mackenzie, suggested taking a natural supplement called Valerian Root to help ease my intense anxiety. I started taking this last night. I slept like a log last night and my thoughts were clear and calm all day today. I also wrote up a meal plan to have 6 small healthy meals a day. Finally the happiest thing of all happened just a few hours ago. I finally ran! No stomach ache, no pain, no nausea; just pure happy running.This is my drug of choice. This is my church. This is my happy place. I wasn't able to go nearly as far as normal. Before all of this chaos began I clocked in a nice 6 miles. I ran 1.26 this evening. It was tough, but I did it. I was so happy when I finished that I was in tears. Maybe only runners understand that joy; some of you may think I'm crazy. I was reading an article titled "you know you're a runner when...." the other night. One of them was "you know you're a runner when it hurts more to NOT run than it does to run". This is the truest thing I've ever read. After my lovely little run I went to the gym with Jessica and worked on chest and back for almost an hour. Jessica is my boyfriend's sister. She's been teaching me how to use all of the crazy machines at the gym.
So here I am. Fighting like hell to get my happiness that I deserve back. There is a lyric from a Macklemore song that really speaks to my soul; "I was meant to be a warrior; fight something amongst me and leave here victorious". I will come out of this victorious. I have an amazing trainer and I'm eating healthy. We may get a fish. Research shows that people with pets are happier, so we are getting a fish. I'm making sure to have happy positive thoughts. I'm so happy I'm finally able to put my Nike's back on and hit the pavement.
I have a few goals that I have set for the next few months. I will be training for a half marathon (FINALLY!). I will work towards having a healthy fit body. I will work towards surrounding myself with positive vibes and happiness. I am going to learn to love the reflection in the mirror; scars and all. I will try my hardest to keep my fish alive.
While I was contemplating putting all of this on my blog I realized that I have over 30k page views. It hit me how many people read my blog. So, if this blog helps just one of you, I'm okay with that. Just know that if you are going through something similar to just hold on a little longer. It does get better. You have to fight for it and really push yourself.
I am still getting a lot of e-mails from juicers that have questions. The main question is if I have maintained my weight loss. Yes, I have managed to stay the same weight. Like everyone else, I fluctuate a few pounds, but I haven't gained back more than a few pounds here and there. Also, I have been lifting weights, so I may be gaining muscle.
I love getting your e-mails. They really keep me going, so keep them coming. I hope you all are having a wonderful week :)
XoXo
Hay
